Seeing Year One made me about as happy as the Cardinals going DeRosa-Pujols-Holliday in the middle of their order. Jack Black? I'm just not a big fan of having every line yelled at me. Michael Cera? Turned in a lackluster performance as Michael Cera. Paul Rudd and Bill Hader? Underused, underappreciated, and altogether unloved.
Olivia Wilde? Smoldering. But that's enough Year One for one lifetime.
I mention this movie for two reasons: it huants me nightly, and it involves cavemen. But instead of talking about things that make me break into a cold sweat while I sleep [see: abduction courtesy of Kathy Bates], I'm here to talk about cavemen.
You see, I'm head over heels for the Cavemen commercial with the 3 Doors Down song playing in the background. Absolutely giddy over it. You know, the "I just caught a game-winning home run ball in the bleachers, turned and kissed the beautiful girl sitting next to me and wound up marrying her" kind of love.
(There. You see, I made that thought relevant to baseball.)
The odd thing is, I can't stand 3 Doors Down. And the Cavemen are about as funny a modern-day Eddie Murphy. But together?
It's a cringe-worthy kind of beautiful.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Derrek Lee Parties Like It's 2005
Ladies and gentlemen, the 2009 Chicago Cubs.
Finally.
The team formerly known as the Chicago Orphans has found a home as one of the hottest teams in baseball over the past week, taking a series against the Pirates, a crucial four-game series against the Brewers, and last night's match-up with the Braves.
Also returning to action is cult hero Aramis Ramirez, who Cubs fans have pegged as the savior of the franchise, the curer of the swine flu, and the man most likely to broker an everlasting peace between Terrell Owens and Trent Edwards. Next up: rumor has it he's arbitrating the contract negotiations between the Vikings and Packers.
Baby steps Aramis, baby steps.
Cult-status hero worship aside, the starting rotation extended their June dominance into July with Rnady Wells, All-Star Ted Lilly, Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster all turning in solid outings.
Also joining the pack on the praise-worthy bus is a resurgent Derrek Lee. Showing the same ability to drive that ball that nearly brought him the MVP in 2005, Lee is not-so-quietly asking us to reconsider our All-Star ballots. Over the past six games, Lee has five home runs, 14 RBI and single-handedly outscored the Brewers 7-5 during their July 2nd showdown.
Outside of Lee's glamor numbers, it's worth noting when these knocks have been coming. Lee's home run in the series opener against Atlanta came in the first inning with a man on base. Too often this season, the starters have had to work with early one or two run deficits.
Randy Wells, anyone?
Ironically, Wells was the beneficiary last night, cruising through six innings of two-run ball, good enough to lower his ERA to 2.48 and give him his fourth straight win. Wells has been outstanding all year, and his past two outings have made him the staple of this rotation. In addition, Lee's early heroics are only going to strengthen the resolve of an already fantastic rotation outside of Wells.
Thankfully, the theme of timeliness doesn't end there though. Mike Fontenot and Wells singled (yeah, this kid really wants to win games after his start to the season) and were followed by a Kosuke Fukudome double that plated Fontenot (by the way, doesn't Kosuke look great in the lead-off spot?). Theriot legged out an infield single, and with Wells going full-steam towards home to score the Cubs' fourth run, the Cubs rode Wells and the bullpen to another win, their sixth in eight games.
That brings us to the Milton Bradley portion of the column. Bradley is only 3-for-his-last-10 with one home run, but those aren't the numbers that jump out at me. Over the past six games, Bradley has walked nine times with only three strike outs. When we signed Badley, I never envisioned a power hitter looking at 25-30 home runs or 90 RBI, but a guy who got on base for the the Lees, Ramirezes and the Sotos of the world.
If Bradley is going to continue getting on base, Lou needs to consider moving him to the two-spot in the order, because this guy is capable of scoring runs - something that will come in handy when Ramirez fights for his role of franchise savior over the next two weeks.
Finally.
The team formerly known as the Chicago Orphans has found a home as one of the hottest teams in baseball over the past week, taking a series against the Pirates, a crucial four-game series against the Brewers, and last night's match-up with the Braves.
Also returning to action is cult hero Aramis Ramirez, who Cubs fans have pegged as the savior of the franchise, the curer of the swine flu, and the man most likely to broker an everlasting peace between Terrell Owens and Trent Edwards. Next up: rumor has it he's arbitrating the contract negotiations between the Vikings and Packers.
Baby steps Aramis, baby steps.
Cult-status hero worship aside, the starting rotation extended their June dominance into July with Rnady Wells, All-Star Ted Lilly, Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster all turning in solid outings.
Also joining the pack on the praise-worthy bus is a resurgent Derrek Lee. Showing the same ability to drive that ball that nearly brought him the MVP in 2005, Lee is not-so-quietly asking us to reconsider our All-Star ballots. Over the past six games, Lee has five home runs, 14 RBI and single-handedly outscored the Brewers 7-5 during their July 2nd showdown.
Outside of Lee's glamor numbers, it's worth noting when these knocks have been coming. Lee's home run in the series opener against Atlanta came in the first inning with a man on base. Too often this season, the starters have had to work with early one or two run deficits.
Randy Wells, anyone?
Ironically, Wells was the beneficiary last night, cruising through six innings of two-run ball, good enough to lower his ERA to 2.48 and give him his fourth straight win. Wells has been outstanding all year, and his past two outings have made him the staple of this rotation. In addition, Lee's early heroics are only going to strengthen the resolve of an already fantastic rotation outside of Wells.
Thankfully, the theme of timeliness doesn't end there though. Mike Fontenot and Wells singled (yeah, this kid really wants to win games after his start to the season) and were followed by a Kosuke Fukudome double that plated Fontenot (by the way, doesn't Kosuke look great in the lead-off spot?). Theriot legged out an infield single, and with Wells going full-steam towards home to score the Cubs' fourth run, the Cubs rode Wells and the bullpen to another win, their sixth in eight games.
That brings us to the Milton Bradley portion of the column. Bradley is only 3-for-his-last-10 with one home run, but those aren't the numbers that jump out at me. Over the past six games, Bradley has walked nine times with only three strike outs. When we signed Badley, I never envisioned a power hitter looking at 25-30 home runs or 90 RBI, but a guy who got on base for the the Lees, Ramirezes and the Sotos of the world.
If Bradley is going to continue getting on base, Lou needs to consider moving him to the two-spot in the order, because this guy is capable of scoring runs - something that will come in handy when Ramirez fights for his role of franchise savior over the next two weeks.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
"I'm sure you get this a lot, but is this really Ceasar's Palace?"
"For weeks, the refrain about the struggling Cubs has been the same: 'Despite it all, they're still only X games out of first place.' That has gotten very, very old. It says more about a weak NL Central than it does about the Cubs. This is not the story of a scrappy team fighting to stay in the race. This is the story of a bloated, underachieving team that hasn't been able to right itself."
--Rick Morrissey, Chicago Tribune
Alright, let's handle this as maturely and as calmly as possible. Morrissey is right. Jim Hendry is wrong. The Cubs are a combustible, underachieving team incapable of overcoming mediocre talent in a winnable division. But there's been enough sadness in the world recently, so I'm going to look at this through a slightly-tinted lens. I'm going to drink the Kool-Aid.
Ladies and gentlemen, Zach Galifianakis.
For those of you behind the curve with the summer's funniest movie, and I doubt there are many of you, allow me to introduce you to a YouTube Godsend. And with that, away we go:
Tuesday evening's affair didn't do much to quiet the frenzy growing on the North Side, as the Cubs dropped a winnable game to a Pirates team that gave them every opportunity to win. Ted Lilly pitched well, going seven innings and allowing three runs. However, he committed two costly mistakes with a wild pitch and a fielding error that allowed the first run to score. Things didn't get much better for Theodore when Geovany Soto doubled with one out in the 5th and was stranded there.
(Too depressing? I thought so. This one's for you Ted.)
The crushing blow came in the 8th when the the Pirates pulled Ohlendorf. Theriot rekindled his desire to go to the opposite field and lead off with a single. Milton Bradley, still searching for his clubhouse camraderie, came on to pinch hit and delivered a pinch-hit single. Followed up with an error, the Cubs had runners on second and third without an out.
By now, you know how the story goes.
Soriano went down swinging. Kosuke Fukudome was caught looking. And Derrek Lee grounded out to second. Hello offensive futility, welcome home.
(Ouch. Again, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. This one's for you AND Milton Bradley, who may need it even more. This will help.)
The gut-wrenching, thought-provoking material doesn't end there though. The Cubs lost to the Pirates, a team that continues to blow itself up with no excusable explanation. Last year, the Bucs traded away Jason Bay in a move that made some sense, given what they received in return. But they topped the move on the stupidity index this year by trading away promising All-Star Nate McClouth, the speedy Nyjer Morgan, utility-man Eric Hinske and reliever Sean Burnett. One of the best double play combinations in the majors, Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez, might not be far behind. The Pirates have a public mutiny on their hands, which is almost too hard to watch.
(Then again, it's not as embarrassing as seeing a movie with your mom that has this.)
Losing one game to the Pittsburgh Pirates isn't the end of the world. The end of the world involves losing your best friend in Vegas after taking Rufis. But losing a game to a team with a depleted roster, limited faith in management (to put it kindly), and the belief that "you could be packing your bags next" doesn't make sense. To only coax one BB and fail to touch home plate, that's about as ridiculous as claiming Tigers prefer pepper over cinnamon. Here's to apparent ataff ace Randy Wells encountering some better luck with his start tonight.
So you see, that's how you deal with the unfortunate tumult of the Chicago Cubs.
Zach Galifianakis, thank you for quelling the blow.
--Rick Morrissey, Chicago Tribune
Alright, let's handle this as maturely and as calmly as possible. Morrissey is right. Jim Hendry is wrong. The Cubs are a combustible, underachieving team incapable of overcoming mediocre talent in a winnable division. But there's been enough sadness in the world recently, so I'm going to look at this through a slightly-tinted lens. I'm going to drink the Kool-Aid.
Ladies and gentlemen, Zach Galifianakis.
For those of you behind the curve with the summer's funniest movie, and I doubt there are many of you, allow me to introduce you to a YouTube Godsend. And with that, away we go:
Tuesday evening's affair didn't do much to quiet the frenzy growing on the North Side, as the Cubs dropped a winnable game to a Pirates team that gave them every opportunity to win. Ted Lilly pitched well, going seven innings and allowing three runs. However, he committed two costly mistakes with a wild pitch and a fielding error that allowed the first run to score. Things didn't get much better for Theodore when Geovany Soto doubled with one out in the 5th and was stranded there.
(Too depressing? I thought so. This one's for you Ted.)
The crushing blow came in the 8th when the the Pirates pulled Ohlendorf. Theriot rekindled his desire to go to the opposite field and lead off with a single. Milton Bradley, still searching for his clubhouse camraderie, came on to pinch hit and delivered a pinch-hit single. Followed up with an error, the Cubs had runners on second and third without an out.
By now, you know how the story goes.
Soriano went down swinging. Kosuke Fukudome was caught looking. And Derrek Lee grounded out to second. Hello offensive futility, welcome home.
(Ouch. Again, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. This one's for you AND Milton Bradley, who may need it even more. This will help.)
The gut-wrenching, thought-provoking material doesn't end there though. The Cubs lost to the Pirates, a team that continues to blow itself up with no excusable explanation. Last year, the Bucs traded away Jason Bay in a move that made some sense, given what they received in return. But they topped the move on the stupidity index this year by trading away promising All-Star Nate McClouth, the speedy Nyjer Morgan, utility-man Eric Hinske and reliever Sean Burnett. One of the best double play combinations in the majors, Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez, might not be far behind. The Pirates have a public mutiny on their hands, which is almost too hard to watch.
(Then again, it's not as embarrassing as seeing a movie with your mom that has this.)
Losing one game to the Pittsburgh Pirates isn't the end of the world. The end of the world involves losing your best friend in Vegas after taking Rufis. But losing a game to a team with a depleted roster, limited faith in management (to put it kindly), and the belief that "you could be packing your bags next" doesn't make sense. To only coax one BB and fail to touch home plate, that's about as ridiculous as claiming Tigers prefer pepper over cinnamon. Here's to apparent ataff ace Randy Wells encountering some better luck with his start tonight.
So you see, that's how you deal with the unfortunate tumult of the Chicago Cubs.
Zach Galifianakis, thank you for quelling the blow.
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